Showing Up.

Have I lost inspiration? I’m bummed that I feel I have nothing if value to say today so why should I have a blog? I have to remember that I am a reed, I am a plant, and inspiration comes like rain from the sky, maybe even less predictable than that…some days are not for inspirations- they are for crashing on the couch all morning eating sun chips and watching both Goofy Movies while falling in and out of little naps under the heated blanket. I can have a blog if I want a blog. And I can talk about whatever I like. It doesn’t need to be perfect or even cohesive honestly. Do what you want!I think today I am just showing up here for the sake of showing up. Simply put, it’s something I want so I feel I just need to show up… even if the writing feels uninspired. I have to ask myself- would I be disappointed if this little blog never turned into anything? If I never had a reader? I don’t know, maybe. Maybe I need to take sometime to meditate on my intentions here… why am I here? Uhg, against my one known intention, this may still end up becoming a place where I come to dump my anxious thoughts and self doubt. I had hoped I would be talking about something much grander and much more magical than that by now…I have to remember that all of this is worth doing; this is a noble battle. Showing up here to speak my truth, and doing so even as the doubtful thoughts creep in. There’s a book I’m rereading currently that I’m grateful to be in the presence of. It’s called “The Divine Feminine,” by a Meghan Don and this book is just so out there if you don’t usually read that kind of stuff or subscribe to the spiritual aspects of the mundane or darker sides of life, but she pulls her knowledge from a few key religions and Gnostic mystics that make me feel that there’s got to be some truth to her words… the resonance within though is honestly more than enough for me; I’m taking it to heart. Her wisdom is for me in those moments where her guidance luminates the darkness. I’m taking it with me. I feel this doubt and moving with it and beyond it is a sacred part of my journey as a human becoming her most enlightened and empowered self,I fear I will do Ms. Don no justice and if you have even a feigning interest in her wildly beautiful and nuanced perspective of the many faces of the divine feminine that resides within all that exists, I highly recommend checking this book out for yourself. Initially, she describes that there is this sort of innate self doubt in the feminine inlaid within us, something we are born in, literally woven into her mysteries and her histories, there’s something keeping us from trusting ourselves. Man, I have to go over her work and take notes, I have much to learn. But how does that not sound like what I have been experiencing!?So maybe this is a spiritual thing! My at times paralyzing self-doubt and my pushing forward to create this space anyway and speak my mind in the face of it all. This is part of my journey to live in my fullness and to accept and nurture all parts of me. I think I can keep growing in the direction of confidence and with a deep sense of trust in myself and the universe, God, and my place here. This may be just a piddle-y little blog in some undiscovered corner of the internet, but, and powerfully so, these are my words. I feel my hands glide over the key board. This is my destiny. All I have is now and here I am. With you. This is my voice. This is my experience here. It is sacred.

My story is worth telling.