11:11

I’m not sure that’s an appropriate title. But here I am. And I want to be here. I’m happy to be with you you.

I woke up today early enough, but didn’t really do much once I got out of bed but lay on the couch and scroll on Tik Tok and just vibe. I don’t have to be at the restaurant until five tonight so I have all the time in the world to do exactly as I like. I felt a few times like I should get up or do some yoga or this or that, but I just stayed loafing. When finally I got the urge to move to get up and make myself a little cup of coffee I was elated to see my sister snagged me some fresh lemons from the store and I was able to drink my honey lemon water that I like to chug before I start in on my caffeine for the day. Merry as I was to be prepping my morning treats, I was surprised at the scowl I felt on my face at first glance of all the dishes piled in the sink. I was excited about journaling, but maybe I should do the dishes and clean this place up.

No. Coffee. Chug my weird, warm, sweet lemonade that I love, make a coffee and go sit.

My feet tickle and stick to all different kinds of crumbs and dirt on the floor as I make my way back to the messy little living room to my cute yet saggy little couch. The place really isn’t too terribly messy, but it’s definitely been lived in. Loved in. I brush off my feet before tucking them into my favorite little criss-cross position under my little lap desk and I grab my laptop and get all comfortable.

I haven’t done any yoga in quite a few days. My body would probably be stoked if I stretched before this. Should I prioritize that? Yoga first then writing? Then getting ready for work? No? You sure? You could probably use it… okay. fine.

Okay you want to write. But you are just gonna babble. Go get your journal and hand write out all yours crazy thoughts and doubts so you can just be here and write more formally and with more organized thoughts about what you actually want to write about.

PATIENCE.

Just be here.

Just sit.

For a sec.

Take a breath.

I’m right where I need to be. And all of the destined activities for the day will get done. And if I sweep, I sweep. If I do the dishes, I do the dishes and if I don’t, I don’t. And it won’t be the end of the world, either way, I promise. Life goes on, no matter what, whether the cup is clean or not.

Be here.

From a higher perspective, I wanted and indulged in a beautiful, peaceful, healthy little morning of rest and being a human. Last night I worked hard and laughed a lot and talked to so many beautiful people at work and I was blessed with all their money that they threw at me for just showing up and bringing them food. Lovely. I came home and slept hard and had a nice, peaceful morning. There are dishes in the sink and the floorboards are dusty and crusty. I’m surrounded by a thousand fluffy blankets and pillows and my sweet cat, Mo-Mo is curled up right next to me, keeping my thigh warm.

All is well.

I could go a thousand more days without doing the dishes if I wanted to. I could choose to just start walking down the road and just not stop and never come back and never clean another dish or see this family or this life again. (Could I do something so crazy? Just as a side track, do I need to or could I do something crazy, with all I know and all my habits?? Am I too comfortable in life? Maybe I should just start walking to see, just to test out my free will… I’ll have to start another entry before I even finish this one!)

I choose. Is the point. I get to choose as much as any human ever can, or any philosopher can ever debate, and for all I really know, I get to choose. I choose where my energy goes. The little curser in the computer of my mind, of my little vessel, I get to choose! Where to click! Where to next? What to next? Dishes or no dishes? Blog or yoga? Walk or Tik Tok?

There’s a thousand reasons to not do something. I want to lounge on the couch all morning and do nothing and watch my phone dead-eyed until work. I want to do that instead of this. I want to do this but I can’t do this until that is done. I can’t do this because I don’t know how or I’m not good at it or good enough at it, or I’m scared. Or I’m excited to do something and I go to do it and then I get distracted or procrastinate or get lost in my self-doubt or anxiety. There’s a thousand reasons.

But here I am. Blog or no blog. Whatever I am doing. I am always here. Right here. All those are just thoughts. Clouds. Just clouds in my mind. Here I am, man. Nothing’s really good or bad the way I perceive it to be. It’s judgement! My clouds are just judgements! I am simply here. Watching these fingers peck at the keyboard. Or I am here watching myself scrubbing the dishes one day. Like a monk raking stones, one becomes the task when you get the clouds pass. And I just kind of am both guider and guided in this body, moving from one moment to the next. A wave in the ocean or a reed in the breeze. And when I’m REALLY SUPREMELY PRESENT- I find that I am right where I need to be and I’m dong exactly what I need to be doing, no matter what. Here I am. Being here. That’s all I need to do.

I think this all applies to you too babe… we are one, remember? What do you think?