Love

(I get babble-y about the one-ness of the universe in this one- get ready.)

Happy Two Days After Valentine’s Day! How was yours? What is your perception of this holiday? I have to ask; it’s so interesting to hear how many people have so many different feelings about a day dedicated to love. I take a moment to send some light to those of you sweet babes who spend the day choked up in their feelings, unable to feel the magical side of things this time around. I spent a little time feeling some type of way this year too, be quite honest with you. But I feel blessed. In spite of everything I don’t hate this holiday. In fact, even though I’m single I still took this time to really enjoy reflecting on “love” and all the ways in manifests in my life.

I have big thoughts on it. I don’t know how eloquently I will be able to describe it to you, because this is just how I feel about it based on my life. I only know from random books I choose to read and my own personal experience. But if you are interested to know more about “love” being all their is, and everything being “one,” people are talking about this! From scientists to spiritual gurus, people are talking about this! If you want to know more, please look into it! And don’t take my words- just don’t that anything more than what resonates with you. I’m just a girl in my own little world, trying to explore this stuff. I don’t know much. But. Everything is love.

Have you heard, or even felt this notion before? Everything is love. It’s all love.

There are so many ways we can look at the world and this life that we’ve all been born into, this walk through form birth to death and our personal experience of “time” in this body. In one perspective, we are all infinitely different from everything else; we are all so damn unique. Snow flakes, blades of grass, this moment: all different. No thing actually is or can ever be another thing, and the spectrum of life is so damn vivid and can basically be broken down into different things into infinity and back.

Then you pause and come back. And this time put labels on things. This type of thing. This type of energy. These are dogs and these are snow flakes and these are people, our plants and those planets. There are these types of people and they differ from all these other types of people. Infinity seems a lot more organized. I think eventually you can break things down into a set of categories further and further down until you can count on your hands! I think Sacred Geometry would be something to explore if these concepts seem interesting. I can only BARELY begin to describe these concepts. I just know what I feel.

Work your way down to 2. Are you with me still? Duality. We can look at things in twos! Everything, you, me, the grass, all of it! Balance! Life and death, light and dark, yin and yang, good and bad. What goes up must come down. As above, so below. I wish I had a better way of explaining this, but also I am here to learn! What do you think about this!? What have you learned? Teach me!!

And then, one! There are no categories now except the one! It’s all one! And the infinity of magical differences between us and everything? It all comes back but this time, it’s all encompassed in the one! We are one! I feel I can see it from where I’m standing! I feel I can feel it in my core! I am as different as a cell in my body, but is that cell not me?? Am I not that cell? Am I not a cell to the universe? We are all connected!! To the micocasms of your very being to the universe and beyond, we are so divinely and so deeply connected and we forget this as we spend so much of our existence here lost in the matrix our lives, we get lost in the labels, the differences! We can spend so much time blinded to the perception that everything is one! Does this click for you? Does it resound like truth in your bones?

I don’t know how I know that it’s all love. I think I’m here to figure it out. And I kind of just know and trust it. It’s a faith I’ve cultivated over my experience here. I am love. I know I am love. I am made of the stuff. I know I am the universe. I know YOU are too. Do you know this? Have your met the universe inside yourself?

I feel the doubts now trickling in as I’ve just had that moment of big expressiveness about love and our divine connection. And I always feel so truthful when I say it and then when I go to think about sharing this with other people in my writing I feel like I may sound manic or crazy. But you know what? I’m lucky to live in a time where they would not burn me at he stake for harboring such fantastical emotions and expressing them as freely as I do. I’m here specifically to be talking about this stuff. And thank God for you. Thank God you are here. Thank you for just letting me feel these feelings!

I have loved so many beautiful people. I have “lost” so many beautiful people… but what does it mean to “lose” something? Definition: be deprived of or cease to have or retain (something). What do we ever really have here in this life that can’t be taken away? In that sense, we literally have everything to lose. We don’t own anything. Not even this body. Not even our thoughts, watch as they come and go. People? Don’t even get me started! Our bodies? Come on now…. nothing lasts forever. Near and far, lost and found are just more labels… and nothing here lasts forever…

Morbid. But is it? Does it feel that way to you?

To me it feels like- boom. There is our answer. We never really have anything except this moment right now. That we get to experience it, to witness it, this life, this moment. Watch as it unfolds into the next now. THAT is the magic. What do you “have” in this moment? Nothing! Everything! You simply are here. Experiencing. Witnessing this and that. I am eating this food, the mouth is chewing. I am holding this thing, I am looking at this person. This moment. Now. Do you know about the power of the present moment? Here and now? Because that’s where we ought to be looking! Just look. Don’t try and hold on. You have no control. Nothing is yours to keep. Who are you anyway? Are you the hand holding the person, or the golden egg or are you watching the hand do that? Are you the thoughts desperate to see and feel this person? Or are you witnessing your body and mind think and feel this way?

What can you really take and keep from the universe when YOU ARE THE UNVERSE? You are that which you love and behind it all, you are the consciousness. IT’S ALL FOR YOU. It’s a journey you get to watch unfold, and lucky you! You get primo seats. Let go of what you feel you must hold on to and watch everything- all if it- come to you. You are a magnet to all of it. Let it come. Let it go. And let it come again.

I “lost” my mom. This was one of the first big lessons of my life. Release. Surrender. I AM love. I am my mom. She is me. Her love for me never went anywhere. That we loved each other in this life is the poetry of my existence, my story here. And I carry her love and her blood with me in every moment. Even when I forget this truth.

And who is here with you in this moment? Do you consider people or things as “lost” when they are not in front of you? That it is away from you and out of sight, does this mean you’ve lost it? Did you ever have it at all or could you just see it and touch it in the physical realm at your convenience? What is yours?

If not everything is lost when nothing is in front of you, I don’t think it’s ever really lost. Maybe everything is always as “with you” as it will ever be.

To me, this is such a dear and maybe the greatest comfort. I never really lose anything. I’m always in every moment connected to everything and everyone I ever have and will ever love. Always divinely connected. I can love you whenever I want.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no stranger to heart break and feelings of great loss. And I know that I will never be able to step in your shoes and feel what tremendous loss you feel in your heart when you feel separated from that which you love. Ultimately, no one will ever really know the severity of your heart break and the bigness of your sorrow but you. I am here for you. And I love you. And I know it feels like you’ve had literal pieces of you ripped away. I know sometimes it feels that there isn’t a notion or a drug in the world that could soothe a wound like that.

I love you. I am with you. I see you. I hold your heart close to mine. I wish you love and magic and the deepest of healing and peace. You deserve it all. And not just because I said so.

We are still humans. This is a journey. And I know I have not seen the last of times spawled on the bathroom floor in a heap of tears feeling like all is lost. We are not meant to be jollied along. We are meant to feel our feelings and cry out to the heavens. Life is so magical and complicated and can be heart breaking and gut wrenching and we need to let our sweet bodies cry and surrender. Fold. Life is hard. Heart break only feels that big when you truly love something. Treat it like it’s sacred. Because it is.

No one said this would be easy. But here we are, doing this anyway. Just keep showing up, babe. I know everything will work out. I have faith enough right now for the both of us.

I love you.