I guess I definitely didn’t think that this would be easy. Man, this tech stuff is hard. Not that I want to sit here and complain to you for this whole entry- actually you know what? I’m going to say whatever I want- because being here and doing this is doing exactly what I want; I want a free space to say whatever I’d like and to try and get it out to you! I don’t want to care if people like it or not. I just want to do it. I also KNOW that you will be here no matter what. We are always divinely connected. I want this space to connect with you, and I think that in order to do that I have to learn this new skill… though I won’t lie, I keep feeling tempted to just pay some young’n to get this all set up for me but maybe it’ll mean more for me to take the time to learn it myself, to make this little website exactly what I want to to be, and to create for myself (and YOU!) a place to come to talk about literally what the freak ever. Maybe in time it won’t feel so intimidating.
Here’s the thing. I want this to be a place where I can get “spiritual” and talk about the stuff that feels important to me…. but sometimes it turns out I’m just talking about my day. Or I’m babbling or it’s incoherent… or its about nothing at all.
But is that not spiritual? This is my art! Is my record of this unique human experience not spiritual? Come on! All of this is! Especially if it means something to me, it’s spiritual! It’s sacred! Let me rejoice in my ability to be alive today and sit here and type and relax and reflect and just say whatever the hell I want. I have been blessed with that freedom in this life time. Not everyone gets blessed like that… And to be real, this IS stepping out of my comfort zone. That’s worth recording. My life and my experience here is worth recording, whatever form it takes.
I will do my best to avoid letting this place become a dumping ground for all my anxieties. I have the confidence enough in what I have to say to have bought with my money and spent actual time starting a journey of creating this little website; just a small gate way into the world. That will have to be enough. Do you have things to say? What is in your heart? Are you itching to just be.. met? To speak your mind, uninterrupted and with gusto?
I just want to be met on these deep levels.
I will meet them here.
If it’s with only myself or with you, I’m talking about it. I’m making space for it. I need to give it a play ground, these thoughts, this energy, this spirit inside me.
Just like you, I am constantly meeting and talking with people. Well maybe you aren’t, but if you say you are truly solitary, I bet you cross paths with beings more than you realize. When I am not home curled up with my sister and my cat Mo-mo, I am working in a local hub of a restaurant. I’ve been there for five years and I fly around that restaurant with ridiculous ease. I love it there and I love the people. I’ve been told it shows! Constantly, when I come into the present moment I find myself face to face with some interesting and compelling little soul. Have you learned about mindfulness or presence yet? I find myself as often as possible trying to be exquisitely present with them and focus on what it is they have so me! Some lessons, some magic. Perhaps some tea, as people always love to spill out their gossips for me. Sometimes they just want food and for me to please toodle along my merry way right out of their face. I always try and take these little interactions as gifts! All day long.
Sometimes I can get a little preachy with advice, and sometimes I get get excited about bringing up things I feel passionate about, but generally if its not the time or the place, I like to try and keep these passions, these big thoughts and spiritual inclinations close to my chest, until they are recognized. Don’t be fooled, I’ll show anyone who wants to see, but it’s almost like I’m carrying around a little fairy… I don’t want to go screeching excitedly about her from atop the bar, lest I scare her away or get sent home for the night or a week, and I’m just not gonna dangle her in front of people who are too busy to notice, or care. I’m not offended, honestly. I could sit here and look at her all day. But for anyone who feels captivated enough to inquire about her magic, I know she’s actually just dying to be asked about.
This is a new place for her to flit about and explore and meet people and express herself and I’m just here to watch it all happen. I just here trying not to cut off my fun trains of thought with paralyzing self doubt and just let it flow. And to not let setting up this website get the best of me.
For real dude. If you’re here now, this IS for you.
It’s all for you.
How’s your fairy doing?
Wisdom Spitball 